||[Feb. 23rd, 2005|11:19 pm]
|||||velvet revolver - fall to pieces||]|
I actually feel like I'm not the screw up in my parents' eyes anymore. Until recently they'd been consistantly on my back since I was sixteen years old. SIXTEEN! Never before that. Still haven't really figured that out. I admit, I was somewhat of a badass, or so I thought. It truly took drastic and subconcious measures for me to change my perspective of myself. Well, it's what they should have expected, they raised me to be a strong independent woman and when I finally started to come into my own, all I felt from them was utter rejection and misunderstanding. So I rebelled, like probably all people do, and my parents didn't take kindly to it at all, and they all but disowned me. I'm talking, kicked me out of the house, took the car, took the money.
And that's what I wanted.
I honestly can say that maybe my original intentions weren't as such, but that's the way it ended up. The fights were just getting intolerable, even after they allowed me to come back home to live. So I left. I'd had enough negativity in the months preceding the said incident and all I really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and just give up. But instead, I moved out of there. Probably the best and smartest thing I had done at that point in my life.
So since then I've gotten my life back on track, I've got a family for the first time in my life, I've got a wonderful boyfriend. (whom I call my unofficial fiance, it bugs the crap out of him) I'm going back to school and am finally going to stop being the screw up and do something somewhat productive. And the greatest part about all this is that I am doing it all for me and I'm getting it all done by myself, like a bloody normal person.
I can finally have a normal conversation with my parents without them telling me that what I am doing is "not me" or "not appropriate." They raised me to be independant. Now I finally am. It's the best feeling I've ever had. And it will only get better.